It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
