my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
