I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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