Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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