BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
