i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
