hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
