Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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