The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
