My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The Olympian is in my bed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
