Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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