Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
