When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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