u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
