So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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