when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
