before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I need moral support for this bender
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
