omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You took a bar mat shot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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