This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
