My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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