I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
