Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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