Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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