Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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