I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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