it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
