margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
