Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
