it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
