Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so let's talk penis.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
