I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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