i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
