he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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