You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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