i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
