The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
