She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
