Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
