Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
