I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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