3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
