Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
