my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
