He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
