so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
