worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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