the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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