Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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