There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
