I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
