Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
