Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
